Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Sorry I Missed Our Meeting

It's been an overwhelming week thus far. Hopefully, soon, I'll be able to get back on track with things that are important to ME. I really, really miss it.

School's been a bitch. I only have 2 classes but it seems like I have 10. Maybe it's because everything seems to be due at the same time. I also have a speech coming up. I really, really, really hate giving speeches. Especially when I know the whole classroom is critiquing it. I read some critiques from my speech last semester. It gave me the impression that when most of the pea-brained students I'm forced to call peers, hear the word critique, they think of criticism. What that translates to is the fact that they feel they must put down something negative about the person in order for it to be complete. One literally said that I licked my teeth too much. I've developed somewhat of a complex about this now. Maybe I should just come to terms with my oral fixation? Or maybe I should evaluate the source of the critique...

At any rate, I am making progress and will be locked, loaded, and ready by Thursday. If nothing else, I could just stand up there and tie a knot in a cherry stem using only my mouth.

Beginnings are always fresh, new, and exciting. Middles are plateaus. Endings are tiresome and bittersweet.

My oldest son is about to enter his teenage years. He's having the same hard time with my father as I did. I developed a theory on one of the reasons that adolescence is so hard. This may not be and original theory, however, as it would seem that most of my writings are not, but I'll write it just the same. When you're a child, everyone is great. Pure, innocent love is blind. You see no fault in the most faulty of people. Then one day, you become self-aware and environmentally-aware. You start realizing suddenly that people are sometimes, if not oftentimes, assholes. It's somewhat of a paradigm shift in your heart and mind. Think of how much this can hurt. One day life is perfect, the next, it's brutal. I wish I could freeze time for my children, often. I don't want them to lose that unmistakable gleam in their eyes. I never want them to not smile when they see me after a long day apart. But, alas, they will grow up and my role will fade. My heart breaks just thinking about it.

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