Surveillance

Awesome movie but an even more awesome song by David Lynch!

Lithium

is what I'm taking now. I just started it today so I'm not sure how well it will work. I did start the day out in a very, very manic mood which I love and hate at the same time. It has faded away and I'm much more calm at the moment, however, I'm wishing now that I would've had time to write my Political Ideologies essay while in that state although I'm not sure how coherent it would have been...

I'm swamped with school work, movies to watch, books to read, and family responsibilities so this blogging drought may continue for a bit. I would like to say before I publish this that being a political science major in the area that I live in is quite taxing on my psyche. If I thought most people were stupid before choosing this concentration, I can't even explain what I think of them now.

Wish I Could...

think of a good title. I probably shouldn't even write since I can't think of anything to write about. I guess I'm hoping that as I type something profound will come to me. Ah, the eternal optimist.

I'm on a new medicine called Seroquel. My physician thinks I have bipolar I or manic-depression. Duh. They are suppose to give me some other meds to go with it but I don't have insurance so I've had to wait on some kind of charity that helps people in my situation. I have another appointment next week and I should find out then if I'm approved. They gave me a ton of free samples of the Seroquel but didn't have any of the other meds. For some reason it seems that anti-psychotic meds are very expensive.

They pills I've been taking are working a little but I don't really like the effects. I stay in a daze most of the time and all level of creativity are lost. At least I'm not up, down, up, down, up, down, etc...

Something I Thought Of

It seems to me that we have become a society that refuses to fail and uses any means necessary in order to get the false reassurance that we are progressing, when in fact we are only deforming ourselves to the point of absolute disability. That's all I got for now.

What Can I Say?

I'm going over things to discuss and yet nothing seems substantive. To be honest, I'm only writing right now because I feel like I should and there's no reason to have this blog if I'm not going to write in it, so...

Current semester is almost over. There may not be another one since my financial aid got so royally screwed up and I owe $1600 which I shockingly do not have lying around. The registrar saw fit to put a registration hold on my account because of it. One person from that office told me I would be fine and the next semester's refund would pay for it. After the hold was placed I opted for a second opinion and of course, it was quite contradictory to the first. So, in a nutshell, it's quite the shitty predicament. I really enjoy going to school. Of course, the current school sucks donkey balls but I have goals and the only way to achieve them is by forging ahead. Maybe I'll start stripping and be the first true stripper to be paying her way through college.

That's really the biggest issue I have at the moment. Well, besides a possible ovarian cyst (or possibly worse). I don't have health insurance so I can't really get any tests done to find out what the incredible pain in my side is from. The E.R. did rule out kidney stones, however. And the morphine was nice...

New York State of Mind

I just got back from NYC. This is how I know I'm manic-depressive: I got really upsetting news from SMATWADKU involving my financial aid on Thursday, mid afternoon, and decide to either cut my wrists or say fuck it all and take a trip to NYC. As soon as I got home, I packed my shit and took off. I made it there around noon on Friday and got home at 5 am this morning. I miss it already. However, I had planned on taking the trip and then cutting my wrists and now I don't want to do that, so I must give NYC props for inadvertently averting my untimely (or just in timely) death.

On the way back, I also stopped off in D.C. I didn't get to see too much because I was only there for about half a day, but it was cool (not nearly as cool as NYC of course). I'm glad I dropped by there just in case I never get to in the future.

There is far more to say about my trip but I'm far too tired to say it. My legs hurt, my feet are blistered, my voice is gone, and my heart is full. It's good to feel alive for a change.

Choices are Hard

I'd rather just stay in bed and watch independent films all day. My life is a broken record and to drive that point home, I'd like to write about my current university. I should probably give it a name, however I'm not sure what name would describe the fierceness for which I loathe it. Hell University would be too blah. It's time for the lessons I learned in Creative Writing to kick in. Oh, yeah, I didn't really learn any lessons (although it was a ton of fun and I did build some writing confidence). So, I'm trying to think of something good. If anybody has suggestions, let me know. Or I may just go with Slitting My Achilles Tendon with a Dull Knife University. To shorten it, I'll refer to it as SMATWADKU.

So, the oh-so-competent administrative staff at SMATWADKU have royally fucked up my financial aid to the tune of me now owing over $3000. I've tried to call them on numerous occasions and I just get transferred from dept to dept, each stating that it's the other department's job, and nothing is getting done. Looks like I'm going to have to drive my ass down there (about 20 miles away) in my gas-hog of a vehicle, hopefully find a parking space that's within 10 miles of the building I need to go to, sign in, and wait about 1 hour just to see some dumb fuck who's probably not going to be able to help me anyway.

And I feel like I'm having issues with unrequited love, although there is really no one to blame in the situation which only makes it even more intolerable. But saying that it is unrequited is probably inaccurate, anyway. I guess it's does exist, it just cannot be acted upon. I don't know which of the two is worse...

Life is good.